When you know better, do better....

So usually I'll add a quote in here at the top before I carry on with my piece, but, as you can see, the picture I have included is a quote, so suck on that... haha...

I decided that with this post I would share something a little more personal, bearing in mind that it is still very much new, hasn't completely worked out, and is still completely up in the air. I am happier than I have been in weeks, and it's all thanks to a little change in perception, funny how something seemingly so insignificant can alter your existence in such an unmistakable manner that you will surely never be the same again...

Here I begin, and it shan't be a tale of woe, oh no, but a tale of fear, triumph and of the unseen magic spoken of in the minpins...

Once upon a time there was a boy (and by boy I mean me, and by once upon a time I mean a few months ago)... All for dramatic effect;)

I met my girlfriend a few months ago, though we had had somewhat of a virtual relationship for years, and seemed destined to meet each other... I, being the aspiring writer/beach bum that I am, tend to be excited by out of the ordinary love stories,  particularly when being in the midst of one myself, and I start to forget the fact that it is real life and not simply a book that I am in the wonderful throws of writing...

I mosied along expecting things to go according to plan, and of course they didn't... There was an incident that left me feeling betrayed, and all of a sudden it wasn't the perfect story anymore, and I switched off, also putting myself in situations that were an utter betrayal to my partner who I had supposedly forgiven and who trusted me.

At the time, I was doing the best I could with what I had, I didn't know how to deal with the situation in another way. Yes, to many this may seem "wrong", though to me this seemed like the only way forward...

I was then sent a gift, from the universe, from the Gods, perhaps even from the inner workings of myself, the darkest parts of the deepest crevices within my soul that were crying out for peace, in the form of a friend who sent me the image depicted in this piece, and pointed out that the best love stories are complicated, but end in misery, the best loves are uncomplicated and triumph, for the drama that would lead them to the pit of despair, ending in a sinister crescendo, was simply not there... There was no need to heave along all my past baggage, all the reasons why I could not forgive this beautiful woman for a simple mistake, and instead brought her to a place where she felt betrayed, unwanted and undeserving...

We have instead decided to meander down another path, one where we have stripped away the past and started fresh... where I have begun by introducing myself once again, and by courting her from the very beginning, with a solemn promise to not bring anything into this relationship that won't uplift the other, a promise to always be honest, and a promise to try, regardless of past mistakes... We are using our past relationship with each other as a means of discussion, with an understanding that we are not the same people we can look back and learn from who we were...

We will do this often, starting over, allowing us to fall in love with each other over and over again, because we deserve it...

Love is work, love takes time, be patient and be kind to one another, remember that you cannot be someone's fairytale, you cannot be anything more than human, and you can't be anything more than the best you can be with what you know now! Once you know better, then start over and do better...

Much Love Freaks... Go and be happy!

The Epitomy of Loneliness

The Epitomy of Loneliness

"You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with"

Oh how often do we find that the hardest part of ending a relationship is the inevitability of being "Alone", and of course, being alone means that we will be lonely? Right? Hmmmm, perhaps not...





What we tend to do in relationships, or at least what I know I do, is we forget who we are outside of the person we are with, we become so focused on being everything that the other person needs, we lose sight of who we are and who we need to be for ourselves... relationships are meant to be a partnership, where two unique people come together and learn how to function that way, function together, not as one... Yes, relationships will always require compromise, but where we tend to veer off here is we start compromising on who we are, instead of simply compromising on certain things that we do...

There have been many an occassion where I have felt lonlier in a crowded room than I have in my own company, although at the same time there have been many moments where I have felt crippling loneliness when faced with my own shadow and subsequent demons... Most of the time when I have felt the crippling loneliness has been shortly after a relationship has ended, or during a temporary separation within a relationship...

How utterly debilitating that can be, never have I known or experienced a fear like being faced with the realisation that you cannot be alone with the one person you can never be away from...

Why do we feel this way, why do we suffer so when faced with our own imperfections? Why is it that on so many occassions it is easier for us to forgive mountains of transgressions against us by the people that we care for, the people who are supposed to look after us and have our best interests at heart, than it is for us to let go of the simple misgivings we have found in ourselves?

We hold ourselves to such exceptionally high standards, when at the same time we allow everyone else to walk all over us, and we chalk it down to them being human and the obvious allowance that gives for the mistakes they will inevitably make...

It's time to allow yourself the same misgivings, it's time to treat yourself with the same compassion and empathy we treat others with...

We are all living the same life, all trying to trudge the road to happy destiny... At the end of the day, we all die "alone"... Yes, there may be people around you, but we embark on that final adventure all by ourselves...

Don't you want to take that journey with someone you actually like, what about taking that much needed time by yourself to figure out what sets your heart alight, where do you want to go, who do you want to be when all is said and done?

When you are feeling the most lonely is exactly the time when you need to be alone, wow, how crazy is that huh? Kinda like the universe telling you exactly what you need when you have no idea, when you are lost, cold and shivering in your own self doubt and lack of self knowledge...

You are a beautiful and perfect creation in your own right, all of those "imperfections" you see in yourself are meant to be there, they are there to remind you that you are a spiritual being having a human experience on this beautiful planet of ours... Remember, the essence that is you has chosen this exact life, these exact challenges that you face on a day to day basis are meant to be there to guide you, use this time to become the best you possible, and learn to love all of your flaws, as much as you love the best in others...

You're amazingly fantastic you stunning creature you!!

Go and Be Happy!! Much Love Freaks...

Words vs Actions…

Words vs Actions…

"I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts."

There is one thing I am absolutely sure of, yet so often forget… What people do and say are not always aligned with each other.

A sad state of affairs I think.


How often do we find ourselves in situations where a loved one claims to love you, and we forget to look at their actions because we so badly need to be told we are loved… We so badly need to be accepted, need to be held, need to not be alone that we sacrifice ourselves for the words of others, instead of recognising what we deserve through the actions of the people that care about us?

Promises are simply empty words when not coupled with action, a promise of forever between a husband and wife is rendered useless when one or both decide to walk away because things haven’t turned out quite the way they planned.

A promise of “you’re all I’ll ever want” rendered meaningless the moment infidelity rears it’s ugly head.

Throughout our entire lives we are met with these moments, broken promises, realisations that leave you lying broken, shivering and shaking on a cold, hard, lifeless floor somewhere in the pit of your soul… Those moments that threaten to rip away all of your belief in humanity, all of your belief in yourself, the moment when the belief that you are undeserving of love starts to creep in. We all know these moments, we’ve all shared in each other’s pain, we’ve all spent time seeking solace in order to lick these wounds.

My question is this, when do we stop accepting anything less than the greatest? When do we start believing that we deserve more than we’ve let ourselves have…

Life is a mirror, if you believe deep down inside that you don’t deserve to be adored, and I mean properly adored, like a fairytale kind of love where someone will fight tooth and nail for you and do everything in their power to protect you from harm of any sorts, then you will never receive it, you will spend your entire life trusting people on the words instead of their actions, because you so desperately want it to be true…

I dare you to be alone! I dare you to be brave enough to learn to love who you are, exactly as you are, learn to love every single flaw you possess, every single bit of darkness is a blessing, every flaw that your past partners haven’t been able to accept, they are perfect for the one that is meant to love you. You will find him/her when you start doing what you love, start loving who you are and what you do… Be brave enough to stand up for yourself and say “No thank you, because I deserve someone who will prove their love to me, not simply say it”…

Love is an absolute battlefield, whether you are on your own, or in a relationship, it is always going to be hard work, and there will always be problems. I’m not saying find a perfect person, because they don’t exist, and people are going to hurt you because we all make mistakes, what I’m saying is don’t settle for someone who only loves you through words, find someone who loves you through actions, and when those mistakes are made they don’t simply say “I’m so sorry”, but they actually make amends, are prepared to make it right, because that is what you deserve my fellow humans.

You deserve nothing less than the greatest possible love, learn to give that to yourself, and then never settle for anything less than what you truly deserve.

Go Be Happy! Much love freaks…

Simply.... The One...

Once in a life time you find them, and when you do, you just know…

“To lose balance sometimes for love, is part of living a balanced life”

I lay my head to rest upon the broken shards of glass that is my wonderous existence. 

Mesmerized by the refracting light, other worldly colours dancing in the darkness, distracted by searing pain, pieces edging closer and closer to my ever flailing heart, there is no staying, there is no escape.

Left lying in limbo, on the precipice of something truly magical, the edge of darkness, the edge of glory, unseen, unheard and unspoken, there she stands…. In my dreams is where I come to be, the unlimited potential that is my unconscious mind is where I dare to be free, dare to dance towards the light, dare to leave the comfort of pain behind…

How glorious she is, how far beyond comprehension she stands, as if birthed by the star Sirius itself, brighter than all else in this blackened sky…

How can one mere mortal impact a soul so deeply, to the very core of me there is nothing to see but her wonder, her beauty, her bewildering existence, beyond consumed, beyond irrevocable, unequivocal the closest description, there are no words that could adequately describe the hold she has over my soul.

This other worldly being who’s beauty transcends the natural order of this begrudged society, this forgotten universe brought to the surface through the wonders witnessed in her eyes, there is no possibility of comprehension, there is no understanding the depths of her soul, where hers ends is the beginning of my own, the start of my own magnanimous journey on this planet… Her hand in mine…

Gently she whispers, “come hither” she says, all fear and worry utterly abandoned, stepping out through the darkness in this shadowy world, into her ubiquitous presence, all consuming, all encompassing, entirely mine…

There are moments in her eyes where all that exists seems to fade into the shadows, time appears to stand still, losing all depth, all movement, all change. These are the moments I live for, to be utterly consumed by her is a gift unlike any other, never again shall there be another, my soul is hers, for this life time and the many more to follow.

Should we ever let slip our intertwined souls, should she ever fall into darkness and be seemingly lost, in this world or the thousands thereafter, I shall trudge to the most treacherous of depths, through the darkest of darkness, to the pit of hell itself, to find where she may lie and lay my head down beside her… Forever… Though she be lost, together we will be found…

Here, There, Everywhere… Where Is My Mind?

“To be, or not to be, that is the question.” – William Shakespeare

In truth, it shouldn’t even be a question, right? Yes, I understand that in this soliloquy it seems that the question being put forward and subsequently answered, although extremely vaguely, is “why should one live?”, which isn’t the way I have interpreted it in my writing today…

It is quite possible, in my opinion, for one to exist without “being”, be present on this planet without actually living. Simply going through the motions, remaining numb to everyone and everything, suffering silent types who seem to huddle together in the background, or lurk silently in the shadows, not aware that the more they suffer, the more they choose to simply exist, the more alone they will feel, the more their souls die a little bit inside, every day, every waking moment.

Yes, this is how I interpret the phrase, more along the lines of another wonderful philosopher, Yoda, “Do or do not, there is no try”…

In the end, I find my biggest hindrance to be my mind, the only thing capable of preventing me from reaching my destiny, the only force able to stop me conquering the world is my own personal perception or acceptance of what I can and can’t do.

It is my greatest servant and at the very same time my greatest adversary, everything that I am destined to be, all that I am capable of becoming rests solely on my body and mind aligning and my mind’s belief that I can accomplish what I dream. There is nothing rewarding about playing it safe and allowing yourself to be let down by your own insecurities…

Wouldn’t you rather live in a world where people chose to do what they loved instead of sit behind a desk and live a monotonous existence, simply because it’s “safe”?

John Green said – “What’s the point in living if you don’t at least try to do something remarkable?”, and that is one of the truest statements I have ever had the privilege of coming across…

We’re living in a society where we're taught from a young age not to think for ourselves, to listen to everyone else, we are taught that things should be done in a specific way, and if you deviate from that course then you are wrong and you are punished. We are brought up in a system that instills fear in us from before we even recognise the choice not to accept that way of life, there is a hierarchy that you must conform to, we are told to respect our elders, regardless of their actions, we are told things like “I’m the adult, so you’ll listen to what I say”, when in actual fact all that is being said is regurgitated garbage that has been spewed down through generations and generations of closed minded individuals who are to concerned with other’s opinion of them to actually decide to break the mold and speak out.

Our generation now has a natural hunger for rebellion, we are asking more questions, choosing life more often, choosing to be free instead of confined to a box that no longer suits us… We are the generation of the brave ones, the generation that are slowly letting go of the fear of asking why!

This is my pledge to myself, and a pledge to the rest of humanity, for multiple reasons, but mainly because this is what we deserve, this is the point of being here, to start a revolution of the mind, start a revolution of the planet. Instead of killing myself doing something that doesn’t serve the world, something that doesn’t light up my soul, something that epitomizes the idea of the rat race and how we’re all simply doomed to be stuck in this hamster cage, going round and round on the same wheel expecting it to suddenly change and hurl us in a different direction, I am going to get off the wheel, I am going to attempt to gnaw through the bars, or climb through the hole in the roof, and I’m going to find what I love and do that, I am going to be a part of the solution for this planet, for the people living on it and for the people simply existing within the confines of their own minds, if we all decided that things didn’t have to be this way, if we realised we had more power than we think we do, that’s when we’d be in the perfect position to change the world…

Be crazy enough to think you can change the world, and be brave enough to actually try!

Go Be Happy… Much Love Freaks…

Not the droids you were looking for?

“Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you got till it’s gone” – Joni Mitchell

As we trudge our road to happy destiny, wandering through these insatiable pitfalls in life, we embark on many a romantic venture, some more than others, some with a lot more vigour than others, but nonetheless, we all have romantic encounters. We all choose to give, and sometimes leave, parts of our souls with another human being, all in the name of being loved, the innate need and want to be adored, to be treasured, to be loved unconditionally…

One recurring theme we all seem to struggle with, except maybe a select few, is “the one that got away”.

Many of us have been through many different types of relationships, abusive relationships, relationships filled with neglect, one where you love more than you are loved, relationships where great sex is the only glue holding you together… Through all of these experiences we learn a little bit more about ourselves, and we start to realise how we draw the wrong types of people to us and push the right kind of people away, we start to open up to the idea that we deserve better, we actively look for that one that will treat us as such, and inevitably we end up getting involved with someone who by all accounts is perfect for us.

When this falls apart, or when we “screw” it up, is when the real wallowing begins, oh poor me syndrome starts to kick in like a bad case of the blues, you listen to the saddest music known to man, ominous sounds bellowing from the speakers, egging you on, your little shoulder based devil gently coaxing you into a pit of depression, “it’s okay young one, come into the darkness, come lie with me, you deserve it… wallow my child”… and so we do…

Well, guess what folks… As a close friend of mine so very often says, “Just feel it”, if you’re sad then be sad, if you’re mad then be mad, if you need to wallow for a bit, then wallow and stop trying to convince yourself you should be fine… Most of us have that one person that will haunt us, those “what if” moments linger a little longer, hurt a little deeper.

What we fail to acknowledge or recognise is that those people, those lost but never forgotten “soul mates”, may have caused the most pain and left the biggest hole, but they also woke us up, they gave us more of a reason to change and grow, they taught us what they were meant to teach us, they taught us how to love, and how to do it properly…

The truth is an old cliché–“If it’s meant to be, it will be”, or one of my favourites by Oscar Wilde – “Things are what they are and will be what they will be”… In the end, if you were meant to be with the one that got away, well, you would be with them.

If you’re holding on to what that person represents, or what you think that person should be, you’re neglecting the lesson they came to teach you, and you are doomed to repeat it, by holding on to them you are passing up every other opportunity coming your way.

I’ll leave you with another one of my short poems written specifically for this post!

“I lost my love, I lost my heart, I thought I lost my life
she came, she left and all to stay was bitterness and strife

I trembled then for days on end, I wallowed in despair,
cradling a broken self, the darkness left me bare

I pondered long on all the times I thought were naught to come,
through ghastly fear and searing pain, the sun hath finally shone,

she was my love, she was my heart, my life she'd never be,
she came, she left and all to stay was nothing but a dream”

Go be happy! Much love freaks…

Who are you?

Oh if you could see your beauty, if I could spend but a moment in your eyes

An unrequited love

A never ending yearning

The haunting of your words burn through me like acid rain on a solitary winters morning.

I cannot sleep, I cannot dream, I cannot move, there is nothing but your eyes, windows to a seemingly forgotten world, A faint memory of a life lived long before…

I look at you and all wonders seen before pale in any attempt of comparison, if believing in magic was a prerequisite for life, my beginning would be now, bound to majesty never before witnessed…

You are my heart, my life, my home

Your words could lay rest the most wicked of souls
Your beauty launch ships more than history has told,
In the eye of the beholder, I am yours just the same,
All of me is yours but to claim…

Mere moments are frozen in time, unable to move, hindered by this space/time continuum, everything within you, everything that is you, is pure, unadulterated perfection…