Not the droids you were looking for?

“Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you got till it’s gone” – Joni Mitchell

As we trudge our road to happy destiny, wandering through these insatiable pitfalls in life, we embark on many a romantic venture, some more than others, some with a lot more vigour than others, but nonetheless, we all have romantic encounters. We all choose to give, and sometimes leave, parts of our souls with another human being, all in the name of being loved, the innate need and want to be adored, to be treasured, to be loved unconditionally…

One recurring theme we all seem to struggle with, except maybe a select few, is “the one that got away”.

Many of us have been through many different types of relationships, abusive relationships, relationships filled with neglect, one where you love more than you are loved, relationships where great sex is the only glue holding you together… Through all of these experiences we learn a little bit more about ourselves, and we start to realise how we draw the wrong types of people to us and push the right kind of people away, we start to open up to the idea that we deserve better, we actively look for that one that will treat us as such, and inevitably we end up getting involved with someone who by all accounts is perfect for us.

When this falls apart, or when we “screw” it up, is when the real wallowing begins, oh poor me syndrome starts to kick in like a bad case of the blues, you listen to the saddest music known to man, ominous sounds bellowing from the speakers, egging you on, your little shoulder based devil gently coaxing you into a pit of depression, “it’s okay young one, come into the darkness, come lie with me, you deserve it… wallow my child”… and so we do…

Well, guess what folks… As a close friend of mine so very often says, “Just feel it”, if you’re sad then be sad, if you’re mad then be mad, if you need to wallow for a bit, then wallow and stop trying to convince yourself you should be fine… Most of us have that one person that will haunt us, those “what if” moments linger a little longer, hurt a little deeper.

What we fail to acknowledge or recognise is that those people, those lost but never forgotten “soul mates”, may have caused the most pain and left the biggest hole, but they also woke us up, they gave us more of a reason to change and grow, they taught us what they were meant to teach us, they taught us how to love, and how to do it properly…

The truth is an old cliché–“If it’s meant to be, it will be”, or one of my favourites by Oscar Wilde – “Things are what they are and will be what they will be”… In the end, if you were meant to be with the one that got away, well, you would be with them.

If you’re holding on to what that person represents, or what you think that person should be, you’re neglecting the lesson they came to teach you, and you are doomed to repeat it, by holding on to them you are passing up every other opportunity coming your way.

I’ll leave you with another one of my short poems written specifically for this post!

“I lost my love, I lost my heart, I thought I lost my life
she came, she left and all to stay was bitterness and strife

I trembled then for days on end, I wallowed in despair,
cradling a broken self, the darkness left me bare

I pondered long on all the times I thought were naught to come,
through ghastly fear and searing pain, the sun hath finally shone,

she was my love, she was my heart, my life she'd never be,
she came, she left and all to stay was nothing but a dream”

Go be happy! Much love freaks…