As She Dances Among the Stars...
There will always be a series of defining moments in your life, we all have them, those major or minor events/incidents that undoubtedly shape our future, through decisions in those moments we are moulded into the beings we are later to become.
One of the most defining of these events is death, from the moment you first experience death as a child something changes deep within, you start to question your mortal soul, the very instant you realise your time on this planet is limited is where everything starts to change.
If only we were equipped at a young age to deal with these occurrences, if only we were taught that these events were going to happen and that we would need to make conscious decisions regarding them, maybe life would be a bit different...
Today marks the tenth anniversary of one of these events, ten years ago today an angel was snatched away from us, millenia before her time.
She was one of the most beautiful creatures ever placed on this planet, both inside and out... A gifted dancer, loving friend, worthy adversary in all departments, she would never shy away from an argument, but always had the ability to voice opinions or subtle corrections without making one feel inferior.
She loved music and dance, introduced me to God as i now understand him/her today, introduced me to the lyrical genius that is eminem, introduced me to the possibility of love being something healing as opposed to destructive.
Yes, this was the first girl I ever loved, though she never knew... Also, I wouldn't dare to claim to be the only boy to feel this way, wherever she wandered, infatuation was sure to follow...
I could spend the rest of the day and subsequent days/weeks/months to follow writing about how spectacular this woman was, and everything said would pale in comparison to the impact that she had on so many lives.
My point is that we all lose people who are important to us, we lose connections, we lose fantasies, we lose loved ones... Nothing can prepare you for those losses, nothing can guide you through the choices you make in those times of despair... All that I ask of you is be kind to yourself, recognise that feelings are not promises, lingering glances are not moments set in stone, relationships come and go because they are designed to teach us, they are there to help us become who we were meant to be...
I made conscious decisions to self destruct following her passing, I decided that love was a thing of pain, that people only came into your life to hurt you, and that the only way to survive was through escapism, in any way, shape or form... Chemical dependency became a thief in the night, but I welcomed the thief, fully aware of all the damage being caused and I reveled in it...
It took 7 years for me to look back and realise the lessons that had been brought my way, the utter joy that she had brought to my life, the promises seen in her ways, the gift it was to see her dance, and how losing her cemented so many friendships, ones that could not be lost regardless of space and time separation. If i had been aware of the meaning of relationships back then, maybe I could have saved myself years of heartache, although I don't regret these choices, as mentioned before, everything happens for a reason and without those experiences I may not have become the man I am today. There is no point in wondering what could have been, I am what I am because I've dealt with what I've dealt... Perhaps the reason I went through these realisations was so that one day I could share my experience and hopefully aid someone in a better decision making process, perhaps it was simply to be able to remember who I am and where I came from...
Treasure the people you have in your life... If you choose to love someone, love them for exactly who they are, not the picture of them you see in your head, not the person you dream of them becoming... Understand that kisses and gazes, love making and praises, all that comes with being enamoured is not always forever, trust that your soul knows what it needs... Life is a classroom dear people, relationships are but a teacher, too often we choose to forgo the lessons brought to us through our loved ones, we forget that it is a momentary lesson and we try to confine those we care about to a prison within our world. If something or someone no longer aids you, if you no longer have anything left to learn from them, love them enough to let them go, you deserve peace as much as they do...
We are all spiritual beings simply having a human experience, love as epically as you can, love everyone and everything, let your guard down, let the light shine in, lay waste to judgment and choose to get to know people instead of judging them by their covers, or lack thereof... Love is the greatest teacher, love is the reason we are here...
Go Be Happy!! Much love freaks...
May you rest in peace dearest angel, may you always be dancing among the stars... Thank you...
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